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March 05, 2008

Being Uncertain

Uncertainty is a good thing. It lets you live the moment. - Me

Now you would ask, 'why?' Remember those days when, as kids, all we could do was to think about what we want to do when we grow up. A new career every year. I remember my first dream was to be a doctor. Then, as a couple of years passed, I wanted to join the defence services. Then came Fauji, the television series, and I wanted to be a military doctor. A couple of years later, I was playing with words and I wanted to be a journalist. Not a reporter, but a journalist, that too in the league of Jug Suraiya and Bachi Karkaria. Then, after my class X exams, inspired by the Bill Gates' school dropout story, I wanted to join the industry of comp, chips and information; all this while thinking that I will excel in whatever I do. Wow, those were the days!

Remember how those moments of looking forward to a dreamily-defined, uncertain future brought respite from the pressure of school work and peers. Wasn't the uncertainty good? The cynic inside me argues that, as a kid, I did not have to deal with the real world, with duniyadari, and that I could bask in my day dreams, oblivious of the trials of the real world. My dreamer rescues me once again and suggests that, at any moment in life, the self-defined times ahead make you look forward to life.

Why do I talk about uncertainty today? Because, once again, after years, I am stranded at the crossroads of choices. I cannot claim I have many, but yes, a handful. As I try to foresee the destination at the far end of the different paths, I wonder if it is the destination that I so desperately seek. My cynic pops in with: You are going nowhere with no plans and a definition of the meaning of life as perplexed as you.

Why would I want to define life, I retort. I may end up taking the most mundane of the paths, but for now, I can enjoy the uncertainty, gleefully putting aside the harsh realities.

May be I fail to see the big picture today. May be I will be back to the 'responsible' life as put by my cynic. However, I cannot deny the fact that, in living the moment, I experience joy.

Running away, I am not
I seek no treasure, no fortune
No glitter appeals to me
I sing today a different tune

Trials will come my way
To wrestle with, I am prepared
For now let me relish
Bliss in dreams I have reared


Unknown said...

Nice piece........but being uncertain can only be temporary!! Ultimately its decicions that take life forward.......good or got to take decisions!!
anywas it reminded me of my piece that I wrote for LP, remember??

Anuradha Sinha said...

yes, Pal, remember all those pieces. Let there be decisions but alongside, let there be uncertainty, for experience.

Sree said...

Nice write up.
Its very true, being uncertain (to an extent - I cannot define) opens up opportunities to experience life in wholeness.
Its sad, as we grow up we start associating uncertainty with troubles & stop living & enjoying the life.

"Bliss in dreams I have reared" Good one :)

Anuradha Sinha said...

:) Thanks, Sree.

Mrinal said...

I am uncertainty personified. You certainly know this. However, it is not the most ideal state to be in. You always long for something but you are not sure of what it is. Being far from the destination is alright, however, figuring out the right path is what takes most of our lives...making the destination even farther...almost unachievable.

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